Self-introduction
Dear
Professor Blackstone,
I am
writing this letter to introduce myself to you. My name is Muhd Sharifuddin and you can call me Sharif for short. I am currently a year 1 Civil Engineering (CVE) student in your communication module.
Before studying in my current course, I graduated from Singapore Polytechnic (SP) in 2017
with a diploma in electrical & electronic engineering (DEEE), specializing
in aerospace and business. I have had an interest in engineering since I was
young as I had a curious mind with how things work behind the scenes and also
enjoy the fun of making things.
For my
strength in communication, I possess strong emotional intelligence, which is the ability to understand, interpret and
respond to the emotions of others. When a person is
talking, I will notice the little things they do and say, for example, his/her
body language, the tone of their voice and their nonverbal actions. I will then
try to understand the emotions they are expressing and adjust my responses
accordingly, although I have had several slip-ups.
As for my
weakness, I am known to mumble a lot in conversations. Whenever I talk or
explain something, the person I’m talking to will ask me to repeat what I had
just said. This is either because they could not hear or understand me due to my
mumbling issue. As a result, there would be miscommunication and I would have
to repeat myself again.
My two
goals for this module are to be able to talk much clearer and louder, and to
build the way I respond to people appropriately. I hope that I would be able to
develop these skills under your communication module ,and so I look forward to
coming to your classes.
Best
regards,
Muhd
Sharifuddin
CVE 1281
Group 5
Commented on Muhammad Syahmi's blogpost on the 20th of Jan
Commented on Tha Zin's blogpost on the 22nd of Jan
Editted on 24th of Jan
Commented on Muhammad Syahmi's blogpost on the 20th of Jan
Commented on Tha Zin's blogpost on the 22nd of Jan
Editted on 24th of Jan
Dear Muhd Sharifuddin,
ReplyDeleteI would like to start by complimenting you for your captivating letter. In my opinion, your letter is in fact an informative and interesting to read when you describe your strength in communication. It was a great pleasure reading it. However, I would like to share with you some points I have spotted to improve your letter.
Points
- “I am currently a Year 1 Civil Engineering (CVE) student in your communication module.” for this sentence you could use lowercase for ‘year’ instead of using uppercase. Same can be done for this sentence with the word ‘diploma’, “……with a Diploma in Electrical & Electronic Engineering (DEEE),…..”
- To have more clarity in your writing you can shorten some phrases such as ‘Prior to’ by using ‘before’ instead. Same for the phrase “ I do have quite a number of slip-ups”, you can rewrite it as “I have had several slip up”.
- “My two goals for this module is….” for this sentence you should use ‘are’ instead of ‘is’ since you are talking about two goals.
I look forward to reading your letters in the future.
Warm regards,
Wai Yan
Dear Wai Yan,
DeleteThank you for taking the time to read my letter and sharing some pointers to improve on it. I am glad to hear that you had found this letter to be captivating and informative. Meanwhile, I have also incorporated the points you mentioned to further improve this letter.
I wish for you a pleasant day ahead.
Best regards,
Muhd Sharifuddin
Hi Shairf,
ReplyDeleteThe formal letter was well written and you managed to fulfill the content, as required. It was descriptive as well as you gave clear illustrations to demonstrate and showcase your communication strengths and weaknesses. It was also clear and concise and followed good paragraphing.
Some points for you to improve on however, would be:
1) '...or you can call me Sharif for short.' I think it is better if you replace the 'or' with 'and'. It felt weird to me reading it with an 'or'.
2) I may be wrong on this but I don't think the words 'Aerospace' and 'Business' need to be capped. Do consult Prof Brad on it.
3) 'For my strength in communication, I have the ability to understand, interpret and respond to the emotions of others (emotional intelligence).' This sentence can be shortened and made simpler by stating that you possess strong emotional intelligence instead of putting it in brackets.
That would cover it for the letter. Looking forward to reading more of your letters in the near future.
Thank you and regards,
Thoufeek
Dear Thoufeek,
DeleteThank you for the comments you have made and for pointing the areas in my letter to improve on. I have made the necessary changes to refine the sentences where needed.
Once again, I thank you for the suggestions and I hope you have a good day.
Best regards,
Muhd Sharifuddin
Dear Sharif,
ReplyDeleteThank you for this informative, well-developed letter. You address all the touchpoints of the assignment while providing good detail. I really appreciate you sharing about your initial interest in engineering and the nuances of your comm skills. In particular, I enjoyed reading the bit about your ability to notice and interpret nonverbals, and I appreciated the rejoinder that " I have had several slip-ups. "
Overall, this is a fluent letter as well, though there are a couple points to take note of:
1. verb tense use
-- I had an interest in engineering since I was young as I had a curious mind with how things work behind the scenes and also enjoy the fun of making things. > (tense)
I have had an interest in engineering since I was young as I had a curious mind with how things worked behind the scenes and also enjoyed making things.
2. punctuation
-- I possess strong emotional intelligence which is the ability to understand, interpret and respond to the emotions of others. > (required comma for clause of added info) I possess strong emotional intelligence, which is the ability to understand, interpret and respond to the emotions of others.
-- and so, I look forward to coming to your classes. > ? , and so I look forward to coming to your classes.
3. sentence structure
-- Either because they could not hear or understand me due to my mumbling issue. > (fragment) ?
4. words/phrasing
-- to talk more clearer and louder > (wrong word form) ?
I look ofrward to reading more of your writing.
Cheers,
Brad
Dear Professor Blackstone,
DeleteThank you for the valuable feedback on the areas I can improve on for this letter. I am glad that you have found this letter to be informative with substantial details, and that you had enjoyed reading this letter. I have made the changes as per your feedback.
I hope to keep you enticed to read more of my posts in the future.
Best regards,
Muhd Sharifuddin
You're welcome, Sharf. Thanks for the effort.
ReplyDeleteDear Sharif
ReplyDeleteThank you for the informative and descriptive letter. It is interesting to note your background, your strengths and weakness written with such detail. I also note that you have an eye for detail and some self awareness as part of your strengths.
I see no issues with your introduction letter except for one. I would like to bring your attention to the second sentence of the second paragraph. "I have had an interest in engineering since I was young" implies that you have an interest in engineering because you were young. This does not make sense. You may wish to reword it as "I have had an interest in engineering since young as..."
Having been through this effective communications module with you, I am proud to say that I have observed you already reaching the 2 goals that you have set for yourself at the end of your introduction letter, especially in your oral pitch.
Continue to further develop your strengths and I wish you all the best in your upcoming exams.
Best wishes
Jiang Seng